MIT Scientists Keep Getting Praise For Their Plan To Save Earth While Mine Is Ignored

I was looking around the internet for stories like I always do and for the last 5 days the Zuckerberg has continually fed me the same story about how these nerds from MIT have come up with some genius plan to save the Earth in the event that an asteroid is hurling towards our planet. Important work, I suppose. Finally clicked on it after all of this.

Like literally every major news outlet had a blurb on these guys. Here is their big plan

The MIT team say a kinetic impactor—a projectile that deflects an object through impact—is the only method that is do-able in the near-future. This is where MIT's decision map comes in. The map, described in the journal Acta Astronautica, considers the asteroid's mass, momentum, trajectory and how much warning time scientists have before collision. All these factors have degrees of uncertainty that must be added into the equation to identify the best method of deflecting an incoming asteroid. 

That's right...the big plan from the MIT scientists is to send a missile up there and blow the asteroid up off it's course. Their $400,000 undergrad education is the essentially the exact same plan that Bruce Willis did in Armageddon. They could've come up with the same plan for a dollar-fifty in late charges from the local redbox. And yet, because they have MIT in front of their name they get clicks and accolades for coming up with a plan to save the world when they admit an asteroid impact has a "practically zero percent chance" of happening. 

Meanwhile, I blogged a plan to save the Earth from climate change last week and it's crickets from the lamestream media. Anti-Barstool agenda? Probably. Here is the plan in case you missed the blog last week

All I ever hear about is rising sea levels all over the world. Well…just put that water in a hole. Problem solved. Jeff Bezos just started a $10Bn "Earth Fund". Take some of that money, get some money from Paris Climate Treaty countries, tell Trump he can build a hotel and a golf course on the shores of Lake Qattara, and let's get this shit done. Water levels keep going up? Just dig more holes. There's probably a million shitty places where we could dig holes. What's going on in Siberia? Nothing. Just put more holes in there and fill them with water. Holes everywhere. Holes can save the planet. 

I think people thought I was joking. I am not. I am horny for holes. And not just the normal kind. Big holes. Holes twice the size of Lebanon like the Qatarra Depression in the North of Egypt. Long story short you make a bunch of manmade lakes/seas in places that are below sea level. The Qatarra Depression Sea, in theory would, provide enough evaporation and thus rain water to turn the Sahara Desert into grasslands. You know what plant is the most efficient when it comes to taking carbon out of the atmosphere? Grass. It just sucks it up and throws it in the ground. You now get an area the size of the United States doing nothing but cleaning the air of carbon. Big air filter. Pretty cool. Then we hear about rising sea levels all the time too. Well take those rising seas, build a canal, and put it all in the holes. There's no problem with Venice or Miami sinking to the bottom of the ocean if we just continually put the excess water in a great big hole in the ground. Over fishing? Just put more fish in the holes. Too much fossil fuel use? Just use those canals to the holes for hydro power. Holes are the best idea to combat climate change anyone has ever come across. Just winning coming and going and yet I watched the Democratic Debate and not one person even mentioned holes. More money is being spent on colonizing Mars than coming up with a plan that can save the planet. Just dig big holes near the ocean. We do it all time. Look at this hole.

Biggest fucking hole I've ever seen. Just dig a thousand of them and fill them with ocean water or glacial melt and the whole planet is saved by holes. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk and please tweet and Bernie Sanders and Mike Bloomberg. #HornyForHoles